Semper Protinus

Always forward. Never Back. To learn this lesson is a hard one, to discover that the lesson was originally one to have learned some time ago, and it's repercussions felt and suffered by someone else. But, I seem to be rather hard headed and stubborn about things, so the repercussions landed squarely on my shoulders. Its price paid by yours truly, instead of the next sap that came along.

For, as my belief goes, what is meant to be will. And there's not a single action, thought, or speech that can make it otherwise. You could maybe put it off briefly, but that's that. If you're meant to win the lottery, and your car breaks down, someone's going to slip that ticket in a birthday card, for instance. Of course I'm talking about the broad strokes here, not specifics; for where would the fun be?
Having a job and being alone does not, for example, mean having a great job and plenty of money. It's the technicalities, once again...the broad strokes.

Naturally, these things are extremely hard to recognize given the circumstances, hence my own predicament(s) of which I find myself, though in truth...not much complaint can be given. I have been from second one, day one taken myself outside, and stayed there. Outside the situation, the feelings, and certainly the bs that's going on, and I fully intend on staying here, until the next time...whenever that may be. I have mourned my life, railed against falseness, and came out of it, even quicker than I usually do.
All because with all things, "semper protinus" or "always forward". In all things, you must keep going, and going forward, never back. If forward takes you to a familiar place or setting, enjoy it certainly, but don't go back just for the feel of the comfortable, the safe.

For me, I knew that my life was changing and would change even more since the day I died. I simply didn't know yet in what direction that it would take me, or how my life would turn out. Feelings after, of course, give me a hint but just the same as most people that have gone through the same, those particular feelings faded over time, especially given normal day to day life business. I still have no idea what all I was witness to that night, but vagaries have hinted that it was more than a 5 minute conversation with my daughter that would have been a heartbreaker, I'm sure :D.

But, to everything, there is a season and a reason...If I would have known, if I did know, my impatience and my tendency to meddle with "known knowns" would have got the better of me, and if things are truly going according to some plan, then...well, the most dangerous word in the English language is "oops" after all.

So, to you I say this. If your faced with a Choice, and you're not sure what to do. Stop! Stick your head up and look around, down to the horizon, down the road, around the corner. The answer's down there; all you have to do is seek it, sit back, enjoy the ride, and don't fuck it up! Now all you need is the courage to hold the course, stay true to yourself, and above all....hope.