Always forward. Never Back. To learn this lesson is a hard one, to discover that the lesson was originally one to have learned some time ago, and it's repercussions felt and suffered by someone else. But, I seem to be rather hard headed and stubborn about things, so the repercussions landed squarely on my shoulders. Its price paid by yours truly, instead of the next sap that came along.
For, as my belief goes, what is meant to be will. And there's not a single action, thought, or speech that can make it otherwise. You could maybe put it off briefly, but that's that. If you're meant to win the lottery, and your car breaks down, someone's going to slip that ticket in a birthday card, for instance. Of course I'm talking about the broad strokes here, not specifics; for where would the fun be?
Having a job and being alone does not, for example, mean having a great job and plenty of money. It's the technicalities, once again...the broad strokes.
Naturally, these things are extremely hard to recognize given the circumstances, hence my own predicament(s) of which I find myself, though in truth...not much complaint can be given. I have been from second one, day one taken myself outside, and stayed there. Outside the situation, the feelings, and certainly the bs that's going on, and I fully intend on staying here, until the next time...whenever that may be. I have mourned my life, railed against falseness, and came out of it, even quicker than I usually do.
All because with all things, "semper protinus" or "always forward". In all things, you must keep going, and going forward, never back. If forward takes you to a familiar place or setting, enjoy it certainly, but don't go back just for the feel of the comfortable, the safe.
For me, I knew that my life was changing and would change even more since the day I died. I simply didn't know yet in what direction that it would take me, or how my life would turn out. Feelings after, of course, give me a hint but just the same as most people that have gone through the same, those particular feelings faded over time, especially given normal day to day life business. I still have no idea what all I was witness to that night, but vagaries have hinted that it was more than a 5 minute conversation with my daughter that would have been a heartbreaker, I'm sure :D.
But, to everything, there is a season and a reason...If I would have known, if I did know, my impatience and my tendency to meddle with "known knowns" would have got the better of me, and if things are truly going according to some plan, then...well, the most dangerous word in the English language is "oops" after all.
So, to you I say this. If your faced with a Choice, and you're not sure what to do. Stop! Stick your head up and look around, down to the horizon, down the road, around the corner. The answer's down there; all you have to do is seek it, sit back, enjoy the ride, and don't fuck it up! Now all you need is the courage to hold the course, stay true to yourself, and above all....hope.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Marriage...a treastise
Our modern concept of marriage has evolved from a few wildly different sources traditionally, but still has at it's heart, very ancient rites or rituals governing how the ceremony is covered, and the words exchanged.
In ancient times it was believed that the ceremony itself prevented you from speaking if you were not being fully truthful to the person you were pledging your being to. You would not, for instance be able to say "I Do", which was more of an "I Will" in such times. Of course, also during those times, there were not as many outside influences on relationships now, where far too many people are swayed by the opinions of others, life's trials, or the "Grass is Greener" mentality that states: "It is good here, but great there". Such influences and interfering up until very recently in this country, and still throughout most of the world is an offense punishable by death. Usually, stoning, exsanguination (you don't want to know where...) or caning.
So with the simple lack of outside motivation for the most part, it was simple for a marriage to be a lifelong affair, mostly do to a simple philosophy that those that know this author have heard hundreds of times: "Say what you mean, mean what you say!". Which means, for example, if you know that you might lie to me, don't ever say "I will always be truthful with you." Personally, I love that philosophy, because for me, if I say "I will walk 5 hours just to hold your hand for 5 seconds"...then have a spot picked out for those few seconds, because I'm on my way...on foot.
But maybe in these modern times, an antiquated person like myself has no place. Which seems likely, especially in this country, where the current sexual craze is to pick up married women. Especially preying on military couple where, after a years of a husband's deployment, the woman is very lonely. I had a friend once that called it "taking candy from a baby". Because, let's face it and be honest. No one is 100% happy all the time; not with themselves or with the one they pledged themselves to. It can be very easy to play off those tiny unhappiness's until they explode, leading to affairs or worse. Which, in this area as with most places with a high deployment rate, the state of mind when coming back from combat, and the level of training most have, is a death sentence usually. Doesn't even make front page news anymore. So, from a purely survival standpoint, it's a dumb move. And all my friends wondered why I was single when I was active....LOL. One last thing to worry about, but to quote military parlance...Jodi always gets your girl.
Somewhat back to point, marriage was more of a blending of hearts and minds, a merging of two into one, as evidenced by a few modern vows still spoken, whether they be Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, or pagan (any variety). It wasn't even remotely an institution as it is now, nor did it begin legally. Marriage does not logically belong to the law, or to be instituted, with a few notable exceptions fitting the modern era. Those being property (a house/home), and children. But then...to be married, to give of yourself to such a degree that your identity is associated with the other person isn't very logical. To a logical mind, that is. For us humans, our identity is very important to us, whether it is determined by the ebbs and flows of others opinions of us; ever changing depending on who's around. Or...if our identity is so set...so ingrained from our first breath, that to deviate a degree from that agitates us, or sets us to a bad mood, even down to the most compromising individual becomes intimidated by it.
But then...it does not change who we "ARE" essentially, it changes our "PERCEPTION" of who we are. Your identity doesn't change, even if your name does. Who you are is quite simply that...who you are. But it seems that 90% of the people that get married believe that they must change, to alter the person the were to become something that they aren't. I watched a couple dear friends of mine suffer that fate. One person became so drastically different from the day before they got married that I sincerely doubt I would recognize this person.
What marriage should do to a person, in my opinion, is make us "better", not "different". We become more aware of what we say, do, imply, etc. We start realizing just how our actions and words affect someone else on a personal level, and normally...strive to prevent it. But then, there's the age-old statement: "You only hurt the ones you love".
Alone, I have a tendency to "brood" one of my best friends used to call it, or to "soul search" to use my term. I am an introspective person by nature, it allows me to be brutally honest with myself on some things, and to realize what it is that I want, and what I don't want. I like it, but sometimes people think I'm being standoffish or even snobby, which just sounds hilarious if you really, truly knew me. But...having been married, I am able to shrug that off, because you are supposed to be there for the other person at any time, any day that they need. "NEED", not "WANT"....too different things, often misconstrued for the other. You "WANT" to go to the mall to look at shiny clothes at Hot Topic. You don't "NEED" to go. Unless you have no clothes at all, but last I checked in this state being naked at the mall is a crime! lol
So...I "WANT" to replace my prized katana that was stolen a few years ago, I just don't "NEED" to......yet.
With that said, your "WANTS" should become the others "NEEDS". And vice versa. You "NEED" to pay the rent, you "WANT" to rent a movie. Smart people call that priorities, the way of life, the way things are. Idiots call it grounds for divorce LOL. But then...if thats your opinion, scroll up and read this again, cause you were really never married to begin with.
So, marriage makes us better as persons, and doing so, brings us closer together, and binds us. It is supposed to bind us together in such a degree that no one but ourselves can break us, if even then. But...that's the difference between a "real" marriage and a "fake" one. The difference between the two is quite simple...if even one person isn't true to the other in some degree, then it's "fake", or even if the other isn't true to themselves. Speaking from personal experience, for example, if the other person has "urges" or "itches" or "triggers" that make them behave, talk, or act in a way that is destructive to themselves and their loved ones, it's going to be "fake" at some point.
For me...the modern term "marriage" isn't the end all, catch all of a relationship. It is the simple honesty, enjoying being around the other person no matter what you, or they, are doing because of the sheer enjoyment of the other's presence. Comfortable silences, reading in a park but not necessarily talking (See the last 2 minutes of Notting Hill for a great example), honest companionship with nothing to hide. Partnership, friendship, a.....traveling companion, to quote a good term. If it's with someone that has chosen to committ themselves to me, and has taken my name, life, love, and soul for their very own...
Then I would once again be the luckiest man in the world.
(I hope any of you have read this, considered it...feel free to leave some feedback on this one. It's not a rant, per se...but a musing, an opinion)
"Being in love is something you feel deep inside, balls to bone. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it." - Oracle, The Matrix.
In ancient times it was believed that the ceremony itself prevented you from speaking if you were not being fully truthful to the person you were pledging your being to. You would not, for instance be able to say "I Do", which was more of an "I Will" in such times. Of course, also during those times, there were not as many outside influences on relationships now, where far too many people are swayed by the opinions of others, life's trials, or the "Grass is Greener" mentality that states: "It is good here, but great there". Such influences and interfering up until very recently in this country, and still throughout most of the world is an offense punishable by death. Usually, stoning, exsanguination (you don't want to know where...) or caning.
So with the simple lack of outside motivation for the most part, it was simple for a marriage to be a lifelong affair, mostly do to a simple philosophy that those that know this author have heard hundreds of times: "Say what you mean, mean what you say!". Which means, for example, if you know that you might lie to me, don't ever say "I will always be truthful with you." Personally, I love that philosophy, because for me, if I say "I will walk 5 hours just to hold your hand for 5 seconds"...then have a spot picked out for those few seconds, because I'm on my way...on foot.
But maybe in these modern times, an antiquated person like myself has no place. Which seems likely, especially in this country, where the current sexual craze is to pick up married women. Especially preying on military couple where, after a years of a husband's deployment, the woman is very lonely. I had a friend once that called it "taking candy from a baby". Because, let's face it and be honest. No one is 100% happy all the time; not with themselves or with the one they pledged themselves to. It can be very easy to play off those tiny unhappiness's until they explode, leading to affairs or worse. Which, in this area as with most places with a high deployment rate, the state of mind when coming back from combat, and the level of training most have, is a death sentence usually. Doesn't even make front page news anymore. So, from a purely survival standpoint, it's a dumb move. And all my friends wondered why I was single when I was active....LOL. One last thing to worry about, but to quote military parlance...Jodi always gets your girl.
Somewhat back to point, marriage was more of a blending of hearts and minds, a merging of two into one, as evidenced by a few modern vows still spoken, whether they be Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, or pagan (any variety). It wasn't even remotely an institution as it is now, nor did it begin legally. Marriage does not logically belong to the law, or to be instituted, with a few notable exceptions fitting the modern era. Those being property (a house/home), and children. But then...to be married, to give of yourself to such a degree that your identity is associated with the other person isn't very logical. To a logical mind, that is. For us humans, our identity is very important to us, whether it is determined by the ebbs and flows of others opinions of us; ever changing depending on who's around. Or...if our identity is so set...so ingrained from our first breath, that to deviate a degree from that agitates us, or sets us to a bad mood, even down to the most compromising individual becomes intimidated by it.
But then...it does not change who we "ARE" essentially, it changes our "PERCEPTION" of who we are. Your identity doesn't change, even if your name does. Who you are is quite simply that...who you are. But it seems that 90% of the people that get married believe that they must change, to alter the person the were to become something that they aren't. I watched a couple dear friends of mine suffer that fate. One person became so drastically different from the day before they got married that I sincerely doubt I would recognize this person.
What marriage should do to a person, in my opinion, is make us "better", not "different". We become more aware of what we say, do, imply, etc. We start realizing just how our actions and words affect someone else on a personal level, and normally...strive to prevent it. But then, there's the age-old statement: "You only hurt the ones you love".
Alone, I have a tendency to "brood" one of my best friends used to call it, or to "soul search" to use my term. I am an introspective person by nature, it allows me to be brutally honest with myself on some things, and to realize what it is that I want, and what I don't want. I like it, but sometimes people think I'm being standoffish or even snobby, which just sounds hilarious if you really, truly knew me. But...having been married, I am able to shrug that off, because you are supposed to be there for the other person at any time, any day that they need. "NEED", not "WANT"....too different things, often misconstrued for the other. You "WANT" to go to the mall to look at shiny clothes at Hot Topic. You don't "NEED" to go. Unless you have no clothes at all, but last I checked in this state being naked at the mall is a crime! lol
So...I "WANT" to replace my prized katana that was stolen a few years ago, I just don't "NEED" to......yet.
With that said, your "WANTS" should become the others "NEEDS". And vice versa. You "NEED" to pay the rent, you "WANT" to rent a movie. Smart people call that priorities, the way of life, the way things are. Idiots call it grounds for divorce LOL. But then...if thats your opinion, scroll up and read this again, cause you were really never married to begin with.
So, marriage makes us better as persons, and doing so, brings us closer together, and binds us. It is supposed to bind us together in such a degree that no one but ourselves can break us, if even then. But...that's the difference between a "real" marriage and a "fake" one. The difference between the two is quite simple...if even one person isn't true to the other in some degree, then it's "fake", or even if the other isn't true to themselves. Speaking from personal experience, for example, if the other person has "urges" or "itches" or "triggers" that make them behave, talk, or act in a way that is destructive to themselves and their loved ones, it's going to be "fake" at some point.
For me...the modern term "marriage" isn't the end all, catch all of a relationship. It is the simple honesty, enjoying being around the other person no matter what you, or they, are doing because of the sheer enjoyment of the other's presence. Comfortable silences, reading in a park but not necessarily talking (See the last 2 minutes of Notting Hill for a great example), honest companionship with nothing to hide. Partnership, friendship, a.....traveling companion, to quote a good term. If it's with someone that has chosen to committ themselves to me, and has taken my name, life, love, and soul for their very own...
Then I would once again be the luckiest man in the world.
(I hope any of you have read this, considered it...feel free to leave some feedback on this one. It's not a rant, per se...but a musing, an opinion)
"Being in love is something you feel deep inside, balls to bone. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it." - Oracle, The Matrix.
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